I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
