yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
