I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Holy shit dude........stairs
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
