shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
