bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
