mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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