Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize