Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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