make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
