apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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