i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize