We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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