drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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