That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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