evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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