im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
