Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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