i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Found the puke drawer
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Randomize
