I just gift wrapped bread.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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