Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
