Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
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