i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
