As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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