Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
