Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
