I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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