I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
my being single is dangerous.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
