were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Michael Bay diarrhea
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
