Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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