if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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