How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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