nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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