If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
