Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
it was like eating out sand paper
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I need to align my fucking chakras
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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