Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(850): View more from Florida

Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?

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(360): View more from Washington

I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.

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(519): View more from Ontario

Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.

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(607): View more from New York

You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.

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(302): View more from Delaware

Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate

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(407): View more from Florida

I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.

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(626): View more from California

It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty

(1-626): View more from California

I asked how you were doing?

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