Your face is a jimmy john
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
