I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
