What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
