I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
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