STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
