and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
