I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
