I wannas sexs uuuuu
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Randomize
