my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I came so hard my ears popped.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
