He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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