i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
