unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
