Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
