this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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