what day is it and did you see me today?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
