when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
This toilet bowl is my home.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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