first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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