I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
