who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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