Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
