What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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