Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
