I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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