Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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