You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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