you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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