is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
