great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
